When i made up my mind to do something totally new... I already have a plan. So therefore I'm not throwing myself into something that i do not know what the outcome is going to be like. Things don't always goes as you want them to you might say...Well sure somewhere along the way there will be unexpected hiccups and unexpected decision to be made. No doubt about that.
But....
The changes that i find hard to adapt to is those with emotional strings attached to it. Like friends for example. I have a (yes, just one) best friend back in primary school. I have lots of friends that i play with during recess and after school but only one that i always look for no matter what and the fact that we live on the same block just makes things easier. :) We will go school and back home together and when i feel board at home(as my sisters are all in the afternoon session and me in the morning or vice verse) I'll spend my day at her house with her two cute sisters and her grandmother. Than my family shifted. Lost her (there's no facebook back than) and was forced to make new friends in a new school. Now this is the kind of changes that i hate. Why?? Simply because i was forced to do it. I mean i got no choice here right. I took almost a year to find my way in the new school but lucky for me, the school was new itself. So everyone was new to each other. The students came from different schools, the teachers were new too. After two years there...is time to move on to secondary school now. Another change of environment, another sets of friends and another school. This time round i get to choose the school that i want to go so it wasn't that bad. But still it took me quite some time to settle in and make new friends. Thank god for the friends that He bless me with while i was adjusting myself in secondary school. Nothing like in the movies where you are faced with mean classmates or seniors or what-have-you. The Bitchalization kept me strong through out my secondary school days. It was only towards the end of my secondary school that i found my Charmed ones. Who are they? They are my Bestest Best Friend. :) Why Charmed rite? because at that point of time the Charmed series were a hit (or at least it was in my house) Its a witchcraft drama series of three sisters with magical powers. Yes Yes its those with potions and demons and spells. It was my favourite. :)
Over the years (till today) i find comfort in my Charmed ones. Anything i do i know i will always have them. Thus this makes me supper reluctant to make new friends. Like what they say true friends are hard to find so i would rather stay to my Charmed ones. Besides its not easy to open up to a stranger. I really am glad of technology this days as it makes communication so much easier. Even when you are worlds apart.
So my point here is that, i know sometimes changes is good. Good because you learn how to grow and make the best of what you have. Taking that leap, that jump, that dive into something totally new and work your way to not only fit in but to stand out too. Its not easy (especially for people like me who despise changes) but its worth it. Sometimes i curse and swear when ever i faced with changes. But slowly through my years of leaving...i learn how to make the best of every situation. As much as i am getting use to changes....there's just one thing that i can never find comfort in... Having/Making New Friends. I can't help it.
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
I'm not saying they are the perfect angles that god sent to me. No they are not perfect. They have their flaws too. But still i know that no matter what they are the ones who will not judge me. Who will be there no matter what i say, what i do and where I'll be in the future. We have our highs and lows too. We argue, we fight, we get angry but that's because we are all human after all. At the end of the day we still stand tall for each other.
When i was standing at a crossroad, not sure if i should make that change or just stay where i am and be happy about it ( why bother to do something different when you are not sure you'll be happy or not right!!) i have them at my back. Like recently i was having a second thought of leaving home for school again. I've applied for school way back in February and i got in. As the days drew near and the thought of actually leaving home, leaving my family (who really depends on me alot these days) makes me thinks not twice not thrice but a million time again. That's where my Charmed ones had my back. The one valuable advice i got was;
"Ell, only He have the answers you are looking for. Ask Him for guidance and you will never go wrong".
You see, sometimes you tend to forget therefore you need someone to remind you. :)
Okies..i will stop rambling now. Anyway i still owe you the holiday entry. hehehehe... will do so soon ok. Maybe tonight. Its hard to blog an entry without a proper equipment. Planning to get new ones soon. Till than...
Lots of Love
ella
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